HOW TO BE THE PERFECT BOYFRIEND

You may think you have a good relationship with your significant other, but you don't. You're making a bunch of rookie mistakes and ...

You may think you have a good relationship with your significant other, but you don't. You're making a bunch of rookie mistakes and consistently disappointing her. The reason she hasn't left you is because there are slim pickings out there and she hasn't met me yet. But that doesn't mean all hope is lost, at least not yet. I've had plenty of relationship failures that have taught me a thing or 12 about how to be the perfect boyfriend.

perfect boyfriend, relationship advice,

SPEND TIME APART

You and your partner should explore separate interests to develop a healthy relationship. I can completely understand if my partner doesn't want to go out with me to cheat on her.

GIVE HER FLOWERS

Even if she's allergic to them, give her flowers. Everyone likes flowers.

GIVE HER MASSAGES

Not only will you be kneading her stress away, but most importantly, you get to touch her naked body.

COMPROMISE

My girlfriend's a vegetarian, but I'm not. The deal is that we eat vegetarian-friendly meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and I get to resent her for the rest of my life.

BE TRUSTWORTHY

No person will take you seriously if you always fall through with your promises. That's why I never make any.

ASK HER ABOUT HER DAY

Let's face it. You'll never remember her coworker's names or even understand what exactly she does at work. You can still pretend to care by nodding consistently through her stories.

OPEN DOORS

Some people think chivalry is dead, but I always open the car door for my girlfriend, and then push her out while going 50 on the freeway.

BUY HER SNACKS

Always have her favorite snacks and/or munchies around. If you ever feel like you're about to get in an argument, just whip out those tasty morsels and all will be well. A hangry girlfriend can be dangerous to one's health according to the Surgeon General.

KNOW HER INTERESTS

Always be aware of her likes and dislikes in terms of everything. It will make it easier for you to shop for gifts on special occasions. Sneak into her social media accounts if you have to.

SURPRISE HER

If your girlfriend is one of the many idiots claiming she doesn't like surprises, tough luck. The world is full of surprises. We never though Donald Trump would be elected president and look what happened. Not only will you teach her a valuable life lesson, but she'll enjoy that you're being spontaneous.

COMPLIMENT HER

Even if you thought of the perfect joke about the outfit she's wearing, don't say it. You should just tell her that she looks beautiful instead of making fun of her wide-leg pants.

Being the perfect boyfriend isn't easy. In fact, most boyfriends out there are worthless, unlike me. I've been happily in a relationship for a little over 4 years and I have no regrets. If you follow these simple tips, you too can also make your girlfriend think you are a true gentleman even though you aren't.

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