JOKES THAT WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH AND GROAN

If I was an Ancient Egyptian, I think my biggest fear would be getting mummified alive. One time I fell asleep behind the wheel and had...

dark cell, yuma

If I was an Ancient Egyptian, I think my biggest fear would be getting mummified alive.

One time I fell asleep behind the wheel and had a vivid dream I ran over a bunch of people. I was so glad when I woke up to find out it was only a dog.

Don't ever underestimate the power of a Get Well soon card. It could really give someone a bad paper cut.

I love to go window shopping but now I have a house full of windows.

Whenever I go to a magic show I am always in disbelief that these magicians can make any money at all.

My heart goes out to everyone out there that needs a heart transplant.

I always embarrass myself at family reunions, especially if I'm not related to them.

Whenever someone tells me they're a cat person, I just think to myself how crazy that sounds. I would've sneezed.

They say if you're nervous to just start picturing everyone naked, but that's kind of hard to do at an orgy.

My girlfriend's thighs haven't touched ever since I disembodied her.

The other day I got into a car accident, but it was tough to do because all the seats were taken.

My father never laid a hand on me. It was mostly his penis.

As a kid, my father told me I could do anything I wanted. To him.

One of my friends told me she had lost a baby. I told her it couldn't have gone that far.


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