Alt-Dwight and Malcolm XXX

Alt-Dwight.com started as a "joke" between two "friends." Malcolm and Dwight dabbled in the conspiracy theory and pol...


Alt-Dwight.com started as a "joke" between two "friends." Malcolm and Dwight dabbled in the conspiracy theory and political scene in tucked-away online forums that only self-absorbed losers frequented. Dwight cared only about his right to be right all of the time.

When he was 23 he left his parent's house to go train-hopping for as long as he could. He lasted a year and along the way, he was exposed to radical and anti-intellectual propaganda meant to put your brain to sleep.

His friend, Malcolm, has lived right down the street from him since he was in middle school. Together they've made horror movies about marionettes, started a cannabis-centric punk band, and spraypainted an esoteric logo named after a mashup of 70s deathrock bands across town.

Now, Malcolm is entrenched in the harsh political divide between the misguided and the uninformed. Malcolm chose the alt-right largely because most of his friends and online commentators he related to declared themselves alt-right.

Dwight had been searching his whole life for a clear identity, someone who had firm beliefs and stood by them at all costs. Dwight and Malcolm shared an affinity for riling up trouble with guerilla marketing techniques and outright controversy.

In the age of attention, Dwight and Malcolm thought they had a winning formula on their hands as they attempted to become widely recognized and highly respected players in the political arena. The problem was that both had no jobs and no money after chasing this farfetched idea.

On their first foray into developing a successful hate operation was when they put up posters around their community college touting that there are only 2.14 genders. The surrealism coupled with the bold type confused many students and teachers but led them to visit their website, Alt-Dwight.com.

Their first few posts railed against third-wave feminism going so far as to say that, "Alt-Dwight will be like garbage to an ocean to any wave of feminism." Surprisingly, they both had steady girlfriends they'd been seeing for over a year ever since deriving notoriety for their inflammatory posts.

Angelica, was a soft-spoken and good-natured teenager until her parents got divorced and seemed like neither wanted her. Ever since she's been making it on her own going from music scenes to political scenes trying to find meaning in her Nietzche-inspired reality.

She liked Dwight because he stood for something, even to the detriment of his socioeconomic status. He was on unemployment and couldn't keep a job for longer than six months. He was always reading music fanzines and historical non-fiction books, including biographies of famous world leaders.

His voracious appetite for books prevented him from making a large group of friends of many girlfriends throughout his life. While he envied the happiness others enjoyed, he valued his independence and commitment to a higher cause, whatever it was that month.

Sofia was Malcolm's girlfriend. Short, quirky, and wickedly smart, she caught Malcolm's attention the first second he laid eyes on her at New Order night in a bar downtown. She loved to talk, and argue, and debate, and eat. When they weren't talking current affairs, they were scarfing down sushi.

All four of them had even started a podcast once they'd seen the success of Alt-Dwight.com. After just two episodes they were banned from Twitter for a tweet that was deemed racist, insensitive, off-color, essentially checking off every politically correct trigger.

Alt-Dwight and Malcolm XXX, their alter egos, were riding high off the fame. They'd even let a few girls feel them up for a few seconds before stopping them. They didn't consider this cheating because they were too busy getting likes, retweets, and shout-outs from even mainstream entertainers.

Their political content ran the line between surreal, sadistic, ironic, sarcastic, and outright wholesome. No one knew what to make of them. They selected interviews carefully and went on podcasts that had a humorous angle. They could hide behind a joke.

It was only a matter of time before Malcolm and Dwight faced the consequences for their actions. Writing new content and producing a podcast week after week proved detrimental for their love lives. Angelica and Sofia started their own all-female anti-Republican podcast.

The sad part was that they continued their rabid digital barrage well into their 40s before they realized that everything they'd been fighting for was a lie. Their life was a misguided attempt at finding an answer to their dreary lives. It took them a while but they died trampled at one of their own events.

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