I Will Be Posting Mainly Jokes From Now On

1. I'm not afraid to die. I'm terrified. 2. Isn't every man technically a "momma's boy"? 3. I never speak ...

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1. I'm not afraid to die. I'm terrified.

2. Isn't every man technically a "momma's boy"?

3. I never speak in absolutes.

4. Friends don't let other friends drive drunk without buckling up first.

5. I listen to ambient, celestial white noise when I'm yelling at other people.

6. My brand of humor is an off-brand.

7. I'm an early bird and I can't stop telling everyone about it.

8. I went out with a deaf girl once. I couldn't get a word in edgewise.

9. My girlfriend loves getting flowers and jewelry. I hope one day she can find someone who'll make her happy.

10. Love happens when you least expect it. Like when you're on your last dying breaths.

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